There is no way to explain the shock and grief of experiencing a traumatic, life-altering accident. Whether it’s the result of a tragedy or the natural ageing process, everyone is going to be faced with the end, and with it, end-of-life decisions. Many people don’t realize that you can either choose to make those decisions for yourself ahead of time, or you can choose to let whoever is present in that moment make them for you. A third option is to designate ahead of time who will get to make those decisions for you if you can’t make them for yourself. I tell you from experience, this is a gift that you give to your loved ones when you make those decisions for yourself.

One document with four pages for the state of Missouri—a Durable Power of Attorney (DPA) for Health Care, also called a Health Care Directive—would have changed our lives forever.

But unfortunately, we hadn’t completed and signed a DPA and we are in the majority, not the minority. We were completely naïve and had no idea what medicine was capable of and what we were up against until tragedy struck.

So, when tragedy struck my family, healthcare professionals made all the choices because we had nobody appointed to make those choices in those moments. Without a DPA or Health Care Directive, we were left at the mercy of doctors’ opinions, advancements in science, and the law. My wish is to empower you to look at death as a part of this beautiful life we’ve been given and make the choices we deserve to have ultimate power over.

What added to the pain was the fact that I now had to apply for emergent guardianship. Since Seth and I didn’t have our planning in place, I wasn’t automatically granted any rights over decision-making or over his care. This was my first visit with a guardian ad litem whose job it was to come spend time with Seth and me and make sure that he really was incapable of making his own decisions and that I wasn’t trying to defraud anyone. The man was so kind, reassuring me all the way, but the notion of proving just how bad things were created a tornado of emotions within me that swept me through life with my feet barely touching the ground.

Regardless of your relationship status, end-of-life and emergency planning can be the difference between legal hoop-jumping and medical headaches, and the peace of knowing you and your loved ones are protected, cared for, and respected in the hardest moments. Here’s what you need to know about end-of-life and emergency planning in different relationship stages. 

 

Single

A lot of marketing about end-of-life and emergency planning focuses exclusively on family and marriage dynamics, but it’s also integral to plan whether you’re in a partnership or not. You might consider getting a medical power of attorney, advanced directive and financial power of attorney. These are the very basic documents needed as you move through your life. Having a will, power of attorney, and medical directive are hugely beneficial, and it’s a good idea to review these documents a few times as your life circumstances change. 

 

Married

A couple might consider drawing up a Last Will & Testament and/or Revocable Trust in addition to a medical power of attorney, advanced directive and financial power of attorney. You should make sure your spouse knows your wishes, and you should put those wishes into legal documents that can be utilized when you really need them. If you have shared assets with a spouse/partner (or even family members and friends), it’s also a good idea to discuss end-of-life arrangements and plans to ensure that all parties’ wishes are honored in the process of settling shared assets. 

 

Divorced  

After a divorce (depending on your situation), it’s a good idea to review your end-of-life and emergency plans and documents. You will need to consult an attorney to review your plan and make any necessary revisions/changes. Changes may not be warranted, but you should visit with an attorney regarding your plan to be sure it accomplishes what you want upon your passing. 

 

We are not providing legal advice. All estate planning varies from state to state. Please seek an attorney in your state for specific information and details.