By A. L. Whitmire, Grief Educator

As much as we would like to avoid it, loss is a part of life. The loss maybe due to death, divorce or breakup, loss of health, loss of job/income, or another cause. Grief is the natural reaction to loss of any kind. Grief is an emotional journey and it is different for everyone. What you expected might happen rarely matches actual experience. What you observe in others won’t be what happens to you. Don’t compare your experience to another, even if the facts of the event are similar. Walk your own path through grief and manage your physical, mental and emotional health.

Take good care of your physical health

Find a morning routine that makes the day start smoothly: take a shower, get dressed, have breakfast. It helps to not have to think too early in the day. Move: take a walk outside, go for a swim, join an exercise class. Exercise helps relieve stress and helps you sleep better. See your doctor; the stress of grieving may increase illness risk. Your doctor can monitor any health changes that may need attention. Get adequate sleep – your body and mind need rest to heal.

Take help that is available for your mental health

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Immediately seek professional help for deep depression, serious mental health issues, or suicidal thoughts. Let others help. Communicate what you need (special food requests, lawn mowing, errands, pet care, housekeeping, repairs). Don’t be afraid to say no to things that are more stressful than helpful for you at this time (more food; visitors; multiple invitations for dinners, trips, or social events).. Keep a list of things that need to be done; when possible, make only the most urgent of decisions until you feel ready to think through your choices. If necessary, meet with others who can offer advice in areas of expertise:  financial planner, attorney, accountant, mechanic.

Take time to grieve and remember for your emotional health

Allow yourself to experience all the emotions that may come – sadness, anger, joy, fear, concern, gratitude, anxiety, loneliness, confusion, comfort… whatever you may feeling is OK, how you handle it is your responsibility. You do not have to be strong for others or pretend that everything is alright. Although you may not want to share with everyone, it is ok to express your grief with others. Sometimes you may want to be by yourself, but it is not necessary to hide your pain from everyone and grieve alone. Connect with close friends to join a support group. Surround yourself with people who have your best interest in mind and with whom you can talk honestly. Consider meeting with a counselor or minister.

Make time to grieve, to think through the relationship and what was lost; Express your emotions in a way that feels helpful to you – write, walk, talk out loud, craft, travel, or garden.

Grief doesn’t end at a fixed point in time. Reminders of loss will reappear and often bring back memories, some joyful, some painful. One would expect such emotion on anniversaries and holidays, but often it resurfaces on the ordinary days and in simple ways such as smelling the bloom flowers that he planted, seeing her handwriting, or hearing a favorite song.

Take the next step

Honor the past in meaningful ways- visit places of significance, celebrate the birthday, eat a favorite meal, talk about the memories- but don’t get stuck in the past. Moving forward with your life is neither a betrayal of or dishonoring of the past.  On the contrary, it is often a testament to the quality of the relationship and a desire to experience happiness again. Being happy does not mean that you are simply moving on as if the loss never occurred, forgetting the deceased, or replacing the lost loved one. Allow yourself future happiness. Do things that you enjoy. Make new memories. Start new traditions. Take the dream vacation. Redecorate your room. It is possible to live and love again after loss. It is OK to laugh. It is OK to relax. It is OK to have fun.

Everyone will experience grief sometime in life and everyone will experience it differently. Accept it with gentleness, view it with honesty, and handle it intentionally by taking care of your physical, mental and emotional health. Life will never be the same again after tragic loss, but it can be good again.